Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
