I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Can you bring me the toilet please
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
