I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
