i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
