I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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