dude i'm inner monologue high
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
