Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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