I think my fart just growled at me.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
