It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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