The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You can't motorboat a personality
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
