It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
