we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
