what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
