yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
