I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
