seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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