im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
