C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
