Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
