I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
