He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
