Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
