she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Two words: blizzard sex
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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