He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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