Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
