the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
