its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
just found out that she named her cat after me.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
