Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
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Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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