We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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