is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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