id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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