Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She announced her abortion via fbk
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
