You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We need to get me chipped asap
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
