I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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