OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
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Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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