blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
All I want is dick and wine.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
