Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
