Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
