I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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