about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
