im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
