i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
