my phone needs a breathalizer
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
