Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
