there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
