If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
