took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
