I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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