NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
