Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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