Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
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stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
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You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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