My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
