2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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