How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i believe in u and ur pee
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