Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
