I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
