i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
