She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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