I wanna bring you to show and tell
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
