I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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