He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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