i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
