Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
