I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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