Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
