just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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